Lmao

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The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing. This is hilarious


* Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
* Witness: "By death."
* Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
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* Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
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* Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
* Witness: "July 15th."
* Lawyer: "What year?"
* Witness: "Every year."
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* Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
* Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
* Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
* Witness: "Er...his face."
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* Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
* Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
* Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
* Witness: "Forty-five years."
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* Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
* Witness: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."
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* Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
* Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
* Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
* Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
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*Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
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* Lawyer: "What happened then?"
* Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
* Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
* Witness: "No."
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* Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
* Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
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* Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
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* Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
* Witness: "That's me."
* Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?
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* Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
* Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
* Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
* Witness: "Yes."
* Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
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* Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
* Witness: "Yes."
* Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
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* Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
* Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
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* Lawyer: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?"
* Witness: "Oral."
* Lawyer: "How old are you?"
* Witness: "Oral."
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* Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
* Witness: "I could see his head."
* Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
* Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
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* Lawyer: "Do you drink when you're on duty?"
* Witness: "I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk."

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