Customer Service

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Here are fews anecdotes from the customer service & surveys department of my job. Every month we gather the funniest one and publish it in our newspaper.

Submitted by Lionel Roberts
Lionel: Hi may I speak with Jane Smith?
Respondent: You have the wrong number; can I take a message? (huh??!)

Submitted by Deborah Petite
The respondent sounded like an old woman. Each time I asked a question ans awaited her rating, there would be a dead silence. After I'd asked a couple of questions and had to coax her into responding with a number, she finally caught on. She said, "Oh, I tought I was supposed to punch the number in using my phone keypad"

Submitted by Kristen Meyer
Kristen: Hi may I please speak with Shirley Davids?
Respondent: Sorry, she is not available.
Kristen: Would there be a better time that I could call back?
Respondent: No, I don't think she's interested. She is kinda high right now.

Submitted by Jay
Jay: May I speak with Damien Galvin
Damien: Yes this is he.
Jay: I'm conducting a survey on behalf of Mercedes-Benz
Damien: There is no one named Survey in this house.

The Fear

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I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore

When do you think it will all become clear?
‘Cuz I’m being taken over by The Fear

by Lily Allen

The porch

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A girl, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The girl said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the girl came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the girl answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the girl added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

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On April the 1st, Wolverine leaked in many download and streaming websites with an excellent quality. When I told my friends, they decided that it was an april fool. But it wasn't :P However there were 2 or 3 scenes that weren't finished because you could see all the 3D images and videoshops.
Now let's get back to the movie (I won't spoil).
Positive aspects: The fights were amazingly well executed. The visuals effects and details were beautiful to watch and the scenario wasn't childish like many movies from cartoons & video games. Hugh Jackman was really into his character, our Ryan Reynolds was also great but Will.I.Am character sucked.
Negative aspects: I think Wolverine wasn't that involved in the movie. I mean, the director was trying to build a strong blockbuster story so he might have priviledged a good story than the main character. And Wolverine got to show all his skills and anger just a the end of the movie. I hope they will add more scenes when the movie is officially out.

Overall, this is a great movie and it's worth the 10$ movie ticket. I'll give it a 8/10.
PS: Even if the FBI started to investigate about the leak, you can still watch it online otherwise you'll have to wait till April the 29th.

Garlic bread and cheeeeese

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Yesterday diner I had chicken with garlic bread & cheese. It was so yummy that I decided to write a post about it, lol.
This isn't the first time I'm eating garlic bread but everytime I'm enjoying it, it's like my first time :). Unfortunately I don't eat it as often as I want to (screw dieting and cholesterol). It brings a new level of flavor to your meals.

Do you like Garlic Bread?

Art of the day

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From Flickr by Wash

Sardar (part 2)

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Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....


Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the
passengers in the car he was driving...


Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!


Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast


Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Sardar : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Sardar : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

If you haven't seen it, here is the part 1.

Compare number per number

Drug dealers


1- Refer to their clients as "users".

2- "The first one's free!"

3- Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff).

4- Strange jargon: "Stick", "Rock", "Dime bag," "E".

5- Realize that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.

6- Job is assisted by industry's producing newer, more potent mixes.

7- Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers.

8- Their product causes unhealthy addictions.

9- Do your job well, and you can sleep with sexy movie stars who depend on you.


Software developers


1- Refer to their clients as "users".

2- "Download a free trial version..."

3- Have important South-East Asian connections (to help debug the code).

4- Strange jargon: "SCSI", "ISDN", "Java", "RTFM"

5- Realize that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.

6- Job is assisted by industry's producing newer, faster machines.

7- Often seen in the company of marketing people and venture capitalists (same thing).

8- DOOM. Quake. SimCity. Duke Nukem 3D. 'Nuff said.

9- Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!

Montreal

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Probably one of my favorite cities in the world! I love how the old europeen architecture completes the modern north american architecture. Did I mention the diversity in food, style, views, art etc...


Drunk??

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I've learned

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By Penn Hackney

I've Learned-
that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned-
that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned-
that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned-
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life

I've learned-
that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts

I've learned-
that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that















Art of the day

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Big Butt

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A man and his wife were doing yard work. The husband said to his wife, "Gee, honey, your butt is as wide as the BBQ grill." The wife ignores his remark.

A little later, the husband, measuring tape in hand, walked over to his wife. While she was bending over to tend to her flower bed, he measured her back side. "Honey, your butt IS as wide as the grill!" She again ignores his remark.

Later that night, while in bed, the husband began to feel amorous. He starts to hug her and stroke her until the wife said, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you're out of your mind!!"

Quotes of the day: Confucius

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Confucius was a Chinese thinker and social philosopher, whose teachings and philosophy have deeply influenced the entire world.

Everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it.

Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and star.

It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

Things that are done, it is needless to speak about…things that are past, it is needless to blame.

Let's grow Mustaches

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In a Perfect World

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When Timbaland's Shock Value was released, I went to see my friends the very same day and told them to watch Keri Hilson. Her vocals and arrangements were amazing. 2 years later, she finally releases her first album and I like it but I don't love it. She also had sa trong first week sales starting at the #4 spot on Billboard 200.
She collaborates with Kanye West, Ne-yo, Keyshia Cole, Lil Wayne and of course Timbaland. This is a solid modern R&B album with productions by Danja (who also works with Britney Spears), Timbaland and Polow Da Don (Rihana, Usher, Mariah Carey, Fergie etc...).
In a Perfect World is actually a RnB album you can listen from A to Z without skipping a track and most importantly without being bored. The songs don't sound like the same.
YAY: The songs are very radio friendly, sexy, send a positive message and make you want to get up and dance.
NAY: There is nothing extraordinaire in this album, that's why I don't love it. I just like it. And I can't see myself listenning to it in 6 months.
PS: Keri Hilson has writing and producing credits in all the songs. Kudos to that.

The Funeral

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A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single file. The man couldn't stand his curiosity.

He respectfully approached the man walking the dog,
"I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single file. Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife."

What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.

Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied "Join the queue."

Art of the day

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Sardar (part 1)

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A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

Sardar-why are all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?

 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "you will go to jail".

Sardar was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary
Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: it's already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

Quotes of the day

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"Winners are
too busy to be sad
too positive to be doubtful
too optimistic to be fearful
too determined to be defeated"

The Big Bang Theory

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This is my latest sitcoms discovery (suggested by one of my friends). It has 2 seasons already and it's nerdly brillant. 
"Sheldon and Leonard are two brilliant, but socially inept theoretical physicists who share an apartment. In the series premier, they meet their new neighbor, Penny, a stereotypical beautiful dumb blond. In spite of the obvious hopelessness of the situation, Leonard is utterly smitten."
As the series continues, you'll meet with Raj, an indian who can't speak to women unless he is drunk and Howard, a jew who takes himself as Don Juan. 
This diverse group of friends is funny, irritating, touching etc... I highly recommend it.

Don't eat my M&Ms

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An old man and a young man worked in office next to each other. The young man had noticed that the older man always seemed to have a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man loved peanuts.

One day while the older man was away from his desk the young man couldn't resist and went to the old man's jar and ate over half the peanuts.

When the old man returned the young man felt guilty and confessed to taking the peanuts.

The old man responded "That's ok since I lost my teeth all I can do is lick the chocolate off the M&Ms.;"

Let's go shopping

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Today is revenge day day for all the boys out there, after previously made fun of them...





50 $

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Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter..'

Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!

Art of the day

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The men get revenge

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5. The aeroplane.
4. DNA.
3. The steam engine
2. The internet
1. The computer
The first operational electro-mechanical computer was used to crack secret Nazi codes. Innovation has miniaturized computers while increasing their power exponentially: the transistor (1947), the integrated circuit (1959) and the microprocessor (1970), increased the speed to process data, while the hard disk (1956), modem (1980) and mouse (1983) boosted their power to make data accessible. They now fit in your pocket and the palm of your hand.