From guidespot
This is a post I stole from the Bookie Wookie blog who stole it from George Carlin who probably stole it from someone else, LOL.
Enjoy!
1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???
Enjoy!
1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???
There isn't anything worst than a mean manager!... heuuu there is something worst, a bad coffee machine at the office. The coffee at my workplace is just AWFUL & GROSS.
_- The regular black coffe tastes like (I mean it doesn't have any taste or flavor)
_- The french vanilla tastes like coke with water
_- The Mocha tastes like soap (I'm not kidding)
_- The Cappucino is as gross as the others ones
Can you believe that sometimes (when I'm really sleepy and bored at work) I go to the Walgreens (a popular DRUGSTORE here in the US) to order my coffee.
Our coffee is made by a professional service named Taylor & Byrnes Gourmet Coffee. Seriously who came up with that name? It's a lie, there is absolutely nothing "gourmet" in your coffee. It's crap!
_- The regular black coffe tastes like (I mean it doesn't have any taste or flavor)
_- The french vanilla tastes like coke with water
_- The Mocha tastes like soap (I'm not kidding)
_- The Cappucino is as gross as the others ones
Can you believe that sometimes (when I'm really sleepy and bored at work) I go to the Walgreens (a popular DRUGSTORE here in the US) to order my coffee.
Our coffee is made by a professional service named Taylor & Byrnes Gourmet Coffee. Seriously who came up with that name? It's a lie, there is absolutely nothing "gourmet" in your coffee. It's crap!
My awesome sister showed me this yesterday!
Does this mean that I have to stay awake @4:05:06 on July 8th, 2009 ?
I was recently reading an article Dangerous animals we want to give a hug and I met this asian dog. And seriously I would love to own it. But this little cute puppy attacks humans and eats babies. I couldn't believe it so I went on wikipedia and it confirmed this tragedy. The baby's name is Azaria Chamberlain and was only 2 months when eaten by a dingo.
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two pathetic men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate, and asked, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have no money for food," the first man replied.
"Oh, well, you can come with me to my house," insisted the lawyer.
"But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here."
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.
"But how 'bout my friend?"
The lawyer turned to the other man and said, "You come with us, too."
"But, sir," said the friend, "I got a wife and six kids!"
"Bring them as well!" answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo. They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the poor fellows says: "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll love my place. The grass is almost a foot (30 cm) tall."
"We don't have no money for food," the first man replied.
"Oh, well, you can come with me to my house," insisted the lawyer.
"But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here."
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.
"But how 'bout my friend?"
The lawyer turned to the other man and said, "You come with us, too."
"But, sir," said the friend, "I got a wife and six kids!"
"Bring them as well!" answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo. They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the poor fellows says: "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll love my place. The grass is almost a foot (30 cm) tall."
++ You can't change a man -- unless he's in diapers.
++ What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
++ If they put a man on the moon -- they should be able to put them all up there.
++ Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
++ Men are all the same -- they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
++ Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
++ Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
++ Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
++ If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
++ The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
++ If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him the checkbook.
Guys, stay tuned for your advices
++ What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
++ If they put a man on the moon -- they should be able to put them all up there.
++ Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
++ Men are all the same -- they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
++ Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
++ Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
++ Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
++ If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
++ The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
++ If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him the checkbook.
Guys, stay tuned for your advices
Submitted by Mick
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
From Ping News
Do the words "If you REALLY loved me...." turn your heart to ice?
Do you wish you had a button that said: "Thank you for sharing, now SHUT UP and quit Whining!" ?
Are you sick of lazy women who use emotional and sexual manipulation to get what they want instead of using their own brains and muscles?
Are you fed up with women who feel they HAVE to be in a "Relationship" in order to be whole, and will sacrifice their self-esteem and personal growth in order to avoid being on their own?
Do you want to SMACK women who play "helpless" just to gain male attention and stroke male egos?
Have you run out of sympathy for your Female friends who continually whine about how awful MEN ARE, but then they keep dating the same kind of STUPIDS, over and OVER, AND OVER AGAIN!?
Do you wish you had a button that said: "Thank you for sharing, now SHUT UP and quit Whining!" ?
Are you sick of lazy women who use emotional and sexual manipulation to get what they want instead of using their own brains and muscles?
Are you fed up with women who feel they HAVE to be in a "Relationship" in order to be whole, and will sacrifice their self-esteem and personal growth in order to avoid being on their own?
Do you want to SMACK women who play "helpless" just to gain male attention and stroke male egos?
Have you run out of sympathy for your Female friends who continually whine about how awful MEN ARE, but then they keep dating the same kind of STUPIDS, over and OVER, AND OVER AGAIN!?
Have you ever seen a tv-show where a guest spank the interviewer?
Have you laughed non-stop for 30 minutes?
Do you know Chuy, the mexican nugget?
Do you know what "porking", "shadoobies" and "catslupus" mean?
If you answered yes to one of these questions, then you are probably one of the lucky ones who watched Chelsea lately. This program is definitely one of the funniest late night tv-show. Chelsea Handler (the host) takes all the funniest and juiciest celebrity gossips and makes them hilarious.
Fact: The show started with 300 000 viewers but now more than a million viewers tuned in every night on E! tv.
Chelsea is a comedian herself and she is always with others really talented and funny comedians such as Loni Love, Brad Wollack, Heather Mcdonalds, Joy Koy, Chris Franjolla, Guy Barnum, Natasha Leggero, John Caparulo, John Wolf etc... She is already the Queen of the late night shows programs.
I highly recommend it!!!
Have you laughed non-stop for 30 minutes?
Do you know Chuy, the mexican nugget?
Do you know what "porking", "shadoobies" and "catslupus" mean?
If you answered yes to one of these questions, then you are probably one of the lucky ones who watched Chelsea lately. This program is definitely one of the funniest late night tv-show. Chelsea Handler (the host) takes all the funniest and juiciest celebrity gossips and makes them hilarious.
Fact: The show started with 300 000 viewers but now more than a million viewers tuned in every night on E! tv.
Chelsea is a comedian herself and she is always with others really talented and funny comedians such as Loni Love, Brad Wollack, Heather Mcdonalds, Joy Koy, Chris Franjolla, Guy Barnum, Natasha Leggero, John Caparulo, John Wolf etc... She is already the Queen of the late night shows programs.
I highly recommend it!!!
I can smell Swine Flu
My coworkers and I redifined VIP (commonly known as Very Important Person), here are few of the new definitions
-- Very Important Pet
-- Very insensitive Pet
-- Vicious & Ignorant Person
-- Very Immature Person
-- Very Intimate Poop
Related post:
Stupidities at work
-- Very Important Pet
-- Very insensitive Pet
-- Vicious & Ignorant Person
-- Very Immature Person
-- Very Intimate Poop
Related post:
Stupidities at work
Yesterday was a really fun day off. And as I told my twitter friends, I'm still exhausted from last night party.
If you haven't seen Terminator 4 and Hangover GO SEE THEM NOW. Two completely different movies but they are both great in their categories.
Terminator 4 is as you already know about big machines and guns. One of the best action movie this summer! Overall 9/10
Hangover was hilarious from A to Z. If you want to ROTFLMAO then this movie is for you. Overall 10/10
PS: Click here for two completes and great reviews about Terminator Salvation and Hangover
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