by Steve
by Steve
Living happily ever after doesn't exist
Struggling between aims and needs will persist
We will always take the Hope stairs
To justify or believe that life isn't unfair
by Lazyking
The human eye blinks an average of 4,200,000 times a year.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot
Seven percent of Americans claim they never bathe at all.
Pain is measured in units of "dols". The instrument used to measure pain is a "dolorimeter".
After the "diet" water, another japanese company made a water that taste like...salad.
Is the "salad" taste from chemicals or the water after the salad cleaning, lol!
Is the "salad" taste from chemicals or the water after the salad cleaning, lol!
Few tips for healthy eyes
-What to eat
- Eggs
- Raspberries
- Almonds
- Broccoli
- Salmon
- Spinach
- Yogurt
-What to do
- Use the tips on how to avoid dry eyes from the computer
- Cry : it helps hydrating the eyes
- Don't use the "get the red out" drops
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication On the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.
The Bello Nebula by Casperium
Q: What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night?
A: "Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"
--
A bloke and his wife went to a family planning clinic. "We've been married for ten years and we've got no kids," said the husband. "And the next-door neighbors say it's because we're stupid."
"Nonsense," smiled the doctor. "It's probably to do with your diet. Or it might be a question of timing. How many times a week do you do it?"
"Do what?" asked the wife.
Two friends lived in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada. They were sick of winter, so they went to a travel agent and booked a trip to Australia.
When the two friends got off the plane - still dressed for Canadian winter weather - they wandered into a pub and sat down. The locals wondered about these strangers, so one of the Aussies walked over to the visitors and said, "G'day, mates. Where're you from?"
"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan," one of the Canadians replied.
"Ahhhh," said the Aussie, returning to his table.
"So where are they from?" the other locals asked.
"Don't know, mate," replied the Aussie. "They don't speak English."
This can be helpful for motivation....
- Vegetarians have a 20% lower rate of mortality from all causes (ie. they live longer & don't get sick as often)
- The world health organisation recommends a diet low in saturated fat, sugar, salt & with plenty of fibre - exactly what you get on a vegan/vegetarian diet
- Vegetarians have 24% reduced risk of getting heart disease
- Obesity is rare in vegetarians, obesity is related to many diseases
- Vegans & vegetarians have lower blood pressure & cholesterol levels
- Vegetarians have a 50% reduced risk of dying of diabetes
- Vegetarians have a 40% reduced level of cancer than the general population
- Vegetarians have a reduced risk of developing gall & kidney stones
- 80% of food poisoning is due to infected meat
- 50% of people do not have the enzyme to digest milk properly & milk allergy is related to asthma & eczema
- Meat eaters have double the rate of Alzheimers disease as Vegans & Vegetarians
- Meat eaters are two and a half times more likely to get bowel cancer than Vegetarians
- Chinese people (living mainly on a vegetarian diet) consume 20% more calories than Americans but Americans are 20% fatter
Is this really your third marriage?
Sure is.
What happened to your first two wives?
They died.
How did your first wife die?
She ate some poisonous mushrooms.
What about your second wife?
She died from a severe skull fracture.
How did she get a skull fracture?
She wouldn't eat the mushrooms.
Sure is.
What happened to your first two wives?
They died.
How did your first wife die?
She ate some poisonous mushrooms.
What about your second wife?
She died from a severe skull fracture.
How did she get a skull fracture?
She wouldn't eat the mushrooms.
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.
From one of our Facebook friends :)
One of my closest friend wrote this for me when I was feeling low
" existence is suffering" ( Buddah)
Nobody said it would be easy
Life isn t fair
we all know
Life is ups and downs
But when u down
Take our hand
Cry on our shoulder
We re here for that
Don t reject us
We care about you
"we" your friends
No matter what
Don t think you re alone
Talk to us
We ll listen
we ll understand
Because we luv u
Talk To us
There is so much good in the worst of us,
And so much bad in the best of us,
That it hardly becomes any of us
To talk about the rest of us.
by Edward Wallis Hoch
Coolest ways to have fun ordering your pizza!
- Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
- Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
- Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
- Ask them if you get a free date with one of the staff if you make an order over $30.
- Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
- Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
- Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
- Ask what the order taker is wearing.
- If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
- Imitate the order taker's voice.
- Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
- Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
- Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
- Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
2 pounds (1kg) of botox is enough to poisoon and kill the entire humanity.
Spinach does not make you strong.
Female mosqito bite is responsible for the 50% of death in the human history.
"To hate fatigues."
by Jean Rostand
"Great hate follows great love."
Irish Proverb
"We love without reason, and without reason we hate."
by Jean-francois Regnard
"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not."
by Andre Gide
Pointing to Heaven by Extra Medium
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams
What kind of Bees make honey?
Honey Bees!
What kind of Bees make Milk?
BOOBEES!
Fatal Familial Insomnia is a terrible disease found in only 28 families around the world. The disease prevents you from sleeping and no medication available can help you. When the disease begins, you generally have from 7 to 36 months of sleepless nights until you finally die. Wikipedia describes the stages of the disease thus:
1. The patient suffers increasing insomnia, resulting in panic attacks, paranoia, and phobias. This stage lasts for about four months.
2. Hallucinations and panic attacks become noticeable, continuing for about five months.
3. Complete inability to sleep is followed by rapid loss of weight. This lasts for about three months.
4. Dementia, where the patient becomes unresponsive or mute over the course of six months. This is the final progression of the disease, and the patient will subsequently die.
I have to fix my sleeping disorder!
"Everything supposed to be bad make me feel so good"
"Don't say something if later you're going to apologize for it"
"My presence is a present"
"People talk so much shit about me at the barber shop, that they forget to get their haircut"
"If the devil weras Prada, Adam & Eve wear nada"
"Don't say something if later you're going to apologize for it"
"My presence is a present"
"People talk so much shit about me at the barber shop, that they forget to get their haircut"
"If the devil weras Prada, Adam & Eve wear nada"
I was watching Watchmen last night. It was said it's the 2009 Dark Night, the trailers rocked and people were very excited to see it. In fact it opens this week-end with an impressive 56 millions US-dollars. But it wasn't that good for me. The first song ruined it for me, it's was just awful for my ears and it was for 7 or 8 minutes. Then nothing exciting happenned. I was waiting, waiting, waiting for something to happen. And I thought the scenario was a little too "easy" and the dialogues could have been much better. I felt like I was in a bad version of Sin City. After 70 minutes I get really bored and stopped watching it.People are staring at computer screens more and more. This gives you dry eyes, but luckily, the problem is only short-term and can be avoided in the first place.
- Blink often. People blink at least half as much as normal when staring at the computer
- 10-10-10. Every 10 minutes, look at an object 10 feet away for 10 seconds to get them adjusted to long-distance.
- Adjust the screen settings: windows sizes, text sizes, colors, brightness etc..
- Back up the screen: 16-24 inches is a good distance, depending on your eyesight
- Use the computer less: type your e-mails faster and print all your long documents
Why didnt NASA send a woman to the moon yet?
Because it does not need to be cleaned!
This 60 year old woman was walking along 5th Avenue when she heard a voice from above "You will live to be 100."
She looked around and didn't see anyone. Again she heard "You will live to be 100."
Boy, she thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I've got 40 more years to live! So off she went to the plastic surgeon. She got everything fixed from head to toe. When she left the plastic surgeon's office, she got hit by a bus,died, and went up to heaven.
She said to God "You told me I would live to be 100. I was supposed to have had 40 more years. So how come you let the bus kill me?".
God said: "I didn't recognize you
There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing.
So he turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything."
The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"
She looked around and didn't see anyone. Again she heard "You will live to be 100."
Boy, she thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I've got 40 more years to live! So off she went to the plastic surgeon. She got everything fixed from head to toe. When she left the plastic surgeon's office, she got hit by a bus,died, and went up to heaven.
She said to God "You told me I would live to be 100. I was supposed to have had 40 more years. So how come you let the bus kill me?".
God said: "I didn't recognize you
There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing.
So he turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything."
The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"
Velvet Morning by Kane
Once you start reading these books, trust me you won't stop! They are addicting and deserve all the litterature prizes.
- Things I can't afford by Bill Gates
- How to be good by Amy Winehouse
- My successful presidency by George Bush
- Be yourself by Michael Jackson
- I want your child by Angelina Jolie
- Motherhood by Britney Spears
- I still have my carreer by Paula Abdul
- For the men by Ellen DeGeneres
- Everything men know about women
- Everything women know about men
- How to save money by Mike Tyson
- Stay faithful by Bill Clinton
- Stay young by Madonna
- My life as a child in need by Miley Cyrus
- My life with my 13 kids...heuuu dogs by Oprah
PS: I know I shouldn't speak about books yet! But I just want to remind you to vote. There is just 2 days lefts and everything can change. Just click, it won't close or open another page.
“I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!”
There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.”
“Pork is not a verb”
Garlic gum is not funny”
At age 4, success is...not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is...having friends.
At age 16, success is...having a driver's license.
At age 20, success is...having sex.
At age 35, success is...having money.
At age 50, success is...having money.
At age 60, success is...having sex.
At age 70, success is...having a driver's license.
At age 75, success is...having friends.
At age 90, success is...not peeing in your pants
You are on the bus when you suddenly realize you need to fart. The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down and that's when you realize you have been listening to your ipod.
A guy says to a salesgirl, "I want to buy some toilet paper."
She says, "What color?"
He says, "Just give me white. I'll color it myself."
Speaking of toilet papers...
We were shocked when we found the pets dating service but this is also ....
I never heard of this before. So when I saw it I lmao. Then I asked all my friends who own pets and they didn't know about pets diapers too. If you don't find this stupid or creepy, you can buy one, the prices usually start from 5$ to 100$. lol
PS: They are reusable but you'll have to clean it yourself. Ewww, that so gross!!
Ready for the accidents!
Actually this is not a real traffic light. It's a sculpture in London that showcases their enormous traffic.
Actually this is not a real traffic light. It's a sculpture in London that showcases their enormous traffic.
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