The Grape lady

Reactions :  

Did she deserve it?

Art of the day

Reactions :  
















Night Break by Ercik Loitière

What is God?

Reactions :  

Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?" After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, honey, God is both male and female."
This confuses Little Johnny, so he asks, "Is God black or white?

She replies, Well, Honey, God is both Black and White.

Then he says, Mommy, is God a boy or a girl?

God is both a boy and a girl, Honey, she replies.

Mommy, is God gay or straight? he inquires again.

Getting a little irritated, the mother replies, Well, Honey, God is both gay and straight.

After thinking for a moment, Johnny looks up and asks, Mommy, is God Michael Jackson?

Amigo! Amigo!" --George W. Bush, calling out to Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi at the G-8 Summit, Rusutsu, Japan, July 10, 2008
(Duuh Amigo is Spanish not Itlaian)

"I remember meeting a mother of a child who was abducted by the North Koreans right here in the Oval Office." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 26, 2008
(ohooo...)

"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008
(Ok now i'm confused)

"Your eminence, you're looking good." --George W. Bush to Pope Benedict XVI, using the title for Catholic cardinals, rather than addressing him as "your holiness," Rome, June 13, 2008
(he should have hired me as his assistant)

"Let's make sure that there is certainty during uncertain times in our economy." -- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 2, 2008
(Georgie I still don't get it)

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
(Someone needs a teacher)

"And I, unfortunately, have been to too many disasters as president." --George W. Bush, discussing flooding in the Midwest, Washington, D.C., June 17, 2008
(Ouf he got his brain back)

"We want people owning their home -- we want people owning a businesses." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 18, 2008

"So long as I'm the president, my measure of success is victory -- and success." --George W. Bush, on Iraq, Washington, D.C., April 17, 2008

10 ways to creep your roomate

Reactions :  
10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, ''He just didn't belong.''

9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, ''The hair, it's growing. Growing!''

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, ''Soon, soon....''

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, ''I've got an important message for you.'' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, ''Oh, yeah, I remember!'' Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, ''Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?'' Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, ''Hooray! You're back!'' as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, ''Shouldn't you be going somewhere?''

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, ''No, I want to watch them suffer.'''

Found on Piglet

Art of the day

Reactions :  

Outdoors arts are great but sadly I couldn't find the location. Any ideas??

Update: Apparently it's Chicago!

Whatever!!!

Reactions :  












For Dima (she is thrilled to see this picture)

Quotes of the day: Homer Simpsons

Reactions :  
"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES."

"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal:
You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done

"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

"D'oh!!!"

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."

"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."

"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).

"What's the point of going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway?"

Alcohol: the cause of and solution to all of life's problems

"but marge it's uterUS not uterYOU"

Definitions

Reactions :  

Old but still entertaining!

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.....Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male..........Playing football without a cup.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female.....The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male..........Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female.....A desire to get married and raise a family. Male.........Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v. Female.....A good movie, concert, play or book. Male.........Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female.....An embarrassing by-product of digestion. Male.........A source of entertainment, self-statement, male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female.....The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male.........Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female.....A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male..........A device for scanning through all 175 channels

Did you know?

Reactions :  

Mall facts!

Women will buy more if they hear their heels clicking on polished hard surfaces, so designers often use hard flooring in hallways. Inside the stores themselves, there is often carpeting or softer surfaces to lure customers in and make them feel at home.

Places to sit in the common areas of malls are hard to find. People aren't shopping when they're sitting.

Escalators are placed strategically to force shoppers to pass the maximum number of storefronts.

Floor plans in malls are disorienting for a reason - so shoppers cannot make a quick exit.























I can't imagine my life without music too.

Art of the day

Reactions :  
















By Slack12

lmao

Reactions :  



I guess this is why I never let my mom wrote my school excuses. Sorry Mom :)
  • George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
  • Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, so I had her shot.
  • Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral
  • Please exscuse John from being absent Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33
  • Please excuse little Jimmy from missing school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the Doctor.
  • Please excuse Wayne for being out yesterday. He had the fuel
  • It was my fault Mike did not do his math homework last night. His pencil broke and we do not have a pencil sharpener at home
  • John has been absent from school because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
  • Tommy wasn't in school yesterday because he thought it was Saturday
  • Please excuse my son. He will be out next week slaughtering goats for his manhood ritual. Thank you!
Maybe these parents were the ones who wrote the funny/bizarre excuses for missing work!

Quotes of the day: Laughing

Reactions :  

"Laughter is an instant vacation."
by Milton Berle

"What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul."
by Yiddish Proverb

"Even if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit."
Anonymous

"A man isn't poor if he can still laugh."
by Raymond Hitchcock

"Laughing is good exercise - it's like jogging on the inside."
Anonymous

Last night I didn't sleep well that's why the today's post are published at noon and not in the morning...

  1. The bedroom is for sleeping: no watching tv, books etc..
  2. Give yourself a half hour to an hour to wind down
  3. Get things done in the morning
  4. No caffeine after 2pm
  5. Drink some milk
  6. Exercise
  7. Don't watch the news before bed
  8. Live closer to work or school
  9. No alcohol or smoking before bed
  10. Turn the thermostat down

Bike lock

Reactions :  


















How did they manage to lock this bike in the tree?

Did you know

Reactions :  

--Never, under ANY circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

--Laughing is good exercise - it's like jogging on the inside.

--9 students out of 10 will somehow cheat during exams.

The perfect husband

Reactions :  
Thank you Will for this funny story!

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen...

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2009 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$165,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up.

The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

Art of the day

Reactions :  


Thank you 365 project: Photography in Image for this amazing picture.

13 ways to handle stress

Reactions :  
1. When someone says "Have a nice day!" tell them you had other plans.

2. Make a list of things that you have already done.

3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.

4. Dance naked in front of your pets.

5. Go shopping, buy everything, sweat in it, and return it the next day.

6. Pay your electric bill in pennies.

7. Bill your doctor for time spent in the waiting room.

8. Tattoo "Out To Lunch" on your forehead.

9. Stare at people through the lines of a fork and pretend they are in jail.

10. Refresh yourself; put your tongue on a cold, steel guardrail.

11. Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it gets back to you.

12. Write a short story using alphabet soup.

13. Make up a language and ask people for directions.

Quotes of the day: Gossip

Reactions :  
"Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you."
by Spanish Proverb

"The biggest liar in the world is They Say."
by Douglas Malloch

"No sword bites so fiercly as an evil tongue."
by Sir Philip Sidney

"The easiest way to keep a secret is without help."
Anonymous

"The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them."
by Will Rogers

Quickies

Reactions :  

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'


It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
--Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
--No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.


HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
--You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.


WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
--Both don't want any more kids.


WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
--Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
--On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.


WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
--I'd run home and play dead. The next day! I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.


WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
--When they're rich.
--The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
--The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.


IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
--It's better for girls to be single but not boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.


HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
--Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

If you enjoyed this, you will love this one too.

The Last kiss

Reactions :  

The Last Kiss is a 2006 movie with Zach Braff (Scrubs), Casey Affleck and Rachel Bilson (The O.C.). It's a very candid movie and manages to be funny sometimes. It's a movie I recommend to everybody. It also highlights important life and relationship lessons such as trust, faith, keeping and meaning your words, commitment, honesty etc...
The actors are really talented and the directing is simple and touching.
After watching this movie, you will try to appreciate more every seconds you have with the loves ones and learn not be be too scared of surprises. And above all that, it shows how communication is essentiel for a good and healthy relation.
This movie might have many great lessons but don't get me wrong it not boring at all. I didn't notice the time while I was watching it.
PS: Watch it with your lover but it's also fun to watch alone

Art of the day

Reactions :  
















From Flickr

Quotes of the day: Lies

Reactions :  

“The only thing worse than a liar is a bad liar."
by Lucy Liu


“Liars are always most disposed to swear.”
by Vittorio Alfieri


"A liar is not believed even though he tell the truth."
by Cicero


"Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts."
by Clare Boothe Luce

These "excuses" were compiled by CarreerBuilder.com

  • I'm too fat to get into my work pants.
  • I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work.
  • I cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding and I have to go to the doctor.
  • God didn't wake me.
  • Employee was sad.
  • I couldn't find my shoes.
  • The ghosts in my house kept me up all night.
  • My brain went to sleep and I couldn't wake it up
  • My cat unplugged my alarm clock.
  • I forgot what day of the week it was.
  • I forgot I was getting married today.
  • My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our backyard. His foot fell in and we can't get it out.
Really? What were they thinking??

Child custody

Reactions :  

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court. But the custody of their child posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the child into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children. The judge asked for his side of the story too. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied, "Judge, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?

"People who ate tuna and other fish high in omega-3 fatty acids three times or more per week had a nearly 26% lower risk of having the silent brain lesions that can cause dementia and stroke, compared to those who avoided fish, according to research appearing in the August issue of Neurology."

From Forbes.com

Did you know...

Reactions :  

~~A 3 year old child's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

~~When you hear the toilet flush along with the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

~~When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius. The Russians used a pencil.

Hilarious answering machines

Reactions :  
I found these this morning and lmao! They are few of the funniest answering machines messages I ever heard.

Hi! This is Jim. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money


Hello! You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need a magazine subscription, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are already clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their pictures taken. If you're still listening, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.


Hi! I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message and if I don't call back, it's you.


Hi! This is Frank. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.


Hello! You've reached Jim and Cathy. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Cathy likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right, real slowly. So leave a message and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you."


Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Leave your message




Art of the day

Reactions :  

Galaxy in Volans by Martin Pugh

Quotes of the day: being crazy

Reactions :  

"You have to go on and be crazy. Craziness is like heaven."
by Jimi Hendrix


"Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live."
by Charles Bukowski


"You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy."
by Charles Manson

"Not being at least at 25% crazy is being boring"
by Lazyking

Snap yo fingers!

Reactions :  
A man accidentally cut off all of his fingers with a saw. The doctor said, "Thank goodness for microsurgery. Give me the fingers, and I'll sew them back on!" The man said, "I couldn't pick them up!"

Thank u John

Let's go green

Reactions :  


















By Nitrozac and Snaggy

Things to Know

Reactions :  

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)


The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.(Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains..
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Art of the day

Reactions :  


Quotes of the day: Regrets

Reactions :  
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable."
by Sydney J. Harris


"Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in."
by Katherine Mansfield


"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."
by Alexander Graham Bell

Cheeseburger Bed

Reactions :  


Cheeseburger Dress

Reactions :  


Drinking coffee??

Reactions :  
Like many of you, I have to have :) my coffee to start working or to do anything that requires attention and brain, lol.

Benefits:
  • Reduces heart disease
  • Antioxidant
  • Reduce Alzheimer
  • Reduces liver disease
  • Gives energy
Risks:
  • Cholesterol
  • BLood plessure
  • Anemia
  • Estomac problems
  • staining of the teeth