The old man

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins?'

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody!'

Stocking Stereotype

Trust me this will bring the LOLs

Quote of the day

Being negative may be easier than being positive but it makes your life more difficult and meaningless.
On the other hand being positive may be more challenging at first but it will make your life easier, more enjoyable and full of meaning.

Art of the day

5 ways to get healthier

~~Have a lie down
Back pain can be avoided and the damage repaired with one easy exercise, which is lie down on the floor with your knees bent, hip width apart, feet on the floor. Do this daily for about five to fifteen minutes to release and lengthen your spine.

~~10 deep breaths
Our breath power our lymphatic system, which removes waste from cells. By taking 10 deep breaths, three times a day, you'll clear more toxins and boost your thinking power by getting 20% more oxygen to your brain.

~~Make a list
The most effective stress buster is to make a list. Your short term memory can only remember, on an average, seven things. So when you overload it , your stress level escalate. Making a list clears out all the stress from your brain you feel tension free. This saves you from headaches, depression and high blood pressure.

~~An organic apple a day
If you buy one organic item a day, make it an apple. Research found that pesticide residues in 71% of apples- the highest in fruits and vegetables.

~~Stop skipping meals
Eating three meals a day is very important for a healthy body. It's the simplest way to balance blood sugar levels, which will keep your mood, energy and concentration balanced and strengthen your stress tolerance.

Thanks to M. XYZ

Sorry Dad!

Q. Where can men over the age of 50 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore-------under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: Is it common for 50+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 50+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 50+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: ' Gee, I remember these.'

Madea goes to jail

This is another cool movie from Tyler Perry.
Just relax, free your mind, don't take yourself seriously and watch this movie. It's hilarious and helps you learn essentiel life lessons: to trust and to forgive.
The actors are really good and lose them in their characters effortlessly. Go watch it, you will laugh your butt off, have a great time with your friends and share pop-corn.

The Polite way to Pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said , "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."

The teacher fainted...

Sorry but...

I want one of these tees.

Quotes of the day: Chocolate

"God gave the angels wings, and he gave humans chocolate."
Anonymous

"Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies."
by John Q. Tullius

"Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world's perfect food."
by Michael Levine

"The 12-step chocoholics program: NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!"
by Terry Moore

Art of the day

Apparently we can't stay 4 days without a sunset...

Mouses

How many mouses does it take to find the my blog?

Old...never die

• Old academics never die, they just lose their faculties
• Old accountats never die, they just lose their balance
• Old accounts never die, they are deleted
• Old actors never die, they just drop a part
• Old alcaholics/drugs addicts never die, they just get wasted
• Old anthropologists never die, they just become history
• Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver
• Old architects never die, they just lose their structures
• Old assets never die, they just depreciate
• Old astronauts never die, they just go to another world
• Old atoms never die, they just decay
• Old bankers never die, they just lose interest
• Old bankers never die, they just want to be a loan
• Old baseball players never die, they just go batty
• Old baseball players never die, they just run their last lap

Who is the boss?

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum , "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work...

The 'asshole' is usually in charge!

Art of the day

Nebulas are our new obsession. But something is telling me that the Sunsets will be back very soon.

Developping self-discipline

1. Start with small things
2. Get yourself organized
3. Don't constantly seek to be entertained
4. Be on time
5. keep your word
6. Do the most difficult tasks first
7. Finish what you start
8. Accept correction
9. Practice self denial
10. Welcome responsibility

Quotes of the day: Laziness

In regards to my nickname "LazyKing"

"Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem dispensable."
by Kin Hubbard


"Failure is not our only punishment for laziness: there is also the success of others."
by Jules Renard


"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."
by Edgar Bergen

Oh God!

Maybe it's going to heaven...

Spicing up the sex life

Three women, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives.

After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing. The following week they met up again to compare notes.

Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!'

The engaged woman giggled and said, 'That's pretty much my story! When my fiance got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!

The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask, ready for action.

When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'

How to be Annoying online

You can have a lot of fun.The little devil inside me likes when I irritate my friends on purpose.

1. Make up fake acronyms. Online veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) or RTFM (read the fucking manual) to show that they're "hep" to the lingo. Make up your own that don't stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to explain what they stand for ("You don't know that? RTFM").

2. WRITE YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON'T USE RETURNS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE. ALSO USE A LOT OF !!!!! TO SHOW THAT YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT BEING HERE!

3. When replying to your mail, correct everyone's grammar and spelling and point out their typos, but don't otherwise respond to the content of their messages. when they respond testily to your "creative criticism," do it again. Continue until they go away.

4. Software and files offered online are often "compressed" so that they won't take so long to travel over the phone lines. Buy a compression program and compress everything you send, including one-word e-mail responses like "Thanks."

5. Upload text files with Bible passages about sin or guilt and give them names like "SexyHousewivesI," then see how many people download it. Challenge your friends to come up with the most popular come-ons.

6. cc: all your e-mail to Joe Biden (vice.president@whitehouse.gov) so that he can keep track of what's happening on the Internet.

7. Join a discussion group and tie whatever's being discussed back to an unrelated central theme.

Art of the day

For JB.

Now we are busted!!!

Stonehenge

Stonehenge is one of my favorite default wallpaper on Windows. It is located in Wiltshire, U.K. It's also the most famous UNESCO world heritage site in the world.

Need some water or cash?

A thirsty watermelon! This is a funny but I can't help myself to make an analogy with the banks. A watermelon has an extraordinaire 92% of water and this one is asking for more water! I compare this picture with the bankers because they had billions in their account but they keep asking for more money, increasing the rates and refusing loans and helps.
Did you get the comparison?

The Sparrow and The Crow

TS&TC is William Fitzsimmons third album. He is "unknown" by the mainstream because he is an independant singer/songwriter. He sings and writes songs because he is talented and for the love of music. Although he is an indie, his album managed to steal the #2 spot on itunes. Critics love him, so do I.

I think his album is sublime, finished and have a lot of soul. He sings with his heart and you can feel the emotions. There are sad songs ( his two blind parents got divorced), optimistic songs and songs everyone can use in their relationships and in life. It's definitely one of my favorite albums and one the finest. If you read the comments on his youtube page, you'll realize how much people appreciate him. All the songs are great and some highlights are "If you would come back home", "I don't feel it anymore" etc...

Quotes of the day: Not Giving Up

"Never, never, never give up!"

by Winston Churchill

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail."
by Ralph Waldo Emerson

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."
--Anonymous

"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer."
by Albert Einstein

And the Oscar..

...for Best Picture (Best Movie) goes to Slumdog Millionaire. I've already published twice a post about this movie. Click here for the previous post and find out what I think about it.
PS: Like I predicted, Benjamin Button failed because it's boring and only has few great moments.

A Son's Bad Dream

A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.

The next day, Auntie Susie dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed.

The next day, granddaddy dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.

The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure he is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.

Upon walking in his front door, he finds his wife. "Good God Dear" he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!

She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."

Art of the day

Sunset on desert. I still can't get enough of sunsets

So true

Overrrrrrrrrloaded

Trust me, never take this train!

Teddy usb

Adorable or Creepy??

Baby egg

Atlanta (after my trip)

As promised, I'm sharing my week-end experience in Atlanta (ATL).
ATL was one of the cities I wanted to visit so badly. My expectations were high and fortunately I wasn't disappointed at all. It's very nice and my friends over there are really cool. I didn't want to come back home. When I arrived at the airport on Saturday, I made the mistake to walk instead of taking the train (my feet hated me). Then I met my friends (some of them I haven't seen since June 2005). We visited the CNN headquarters (you might see us on tv, lol), the centennal park (ATL hosted the 100th birthday of the modern Olympics). We took few pictures with Pierre De Coubertin, it was hilariojus. Then we visited the Georgia Aquarium which is the biggest aquarium in the world. It was beautiful. The fishs were in every color you can imagine and there were fishes you can and can't imagine. It was amazing. We also visited the Coca Cola museum and had free Coke Zero. After that we went to Atlantic station, fun fun fun. We had chinese food and it was delicious. The restaurant decor was over the top. We went to the movies and to a lounge bar. It was really cool. Around 2am we went clubbing. 3 hours of crunk music or dirty south music is just too much and awful. The Saturday finished around 6am. After clubbing we searched for hotels/motels rooms but we couldn't find anything except The Hamptons (my Mastercard hated me).
On Sunday afternnon: We went to Lenox Square, three words to describe it, shopping, fun and shopping. And then, we went to Geisha House, a stuning asian lounge. They had one of the worst noddle and the best sushis I ever tasted. The sushis were yummy, yummy, yummy. For dessert we had fried bananas with Caramel/Milk Chocolate/Dark chocolate. Also it was triple yummy.
On Monday: We had a mediterranean food, shawarma/Kebab/Shish Taouk. Also triple yummy! Alfter lunch we went to North Georgia Premium Outlet and shopped again. We went again to Lenox Square and had more fun there. The last piece of my great week-end was in the airplane on my way back. They aired an episode of one of my favorite tv-show, How I Met Your Mother. It was a really great week-end. I missed my friends and I was really excited to see them again, we had so so much fun.
ATL is definitely one of the best cities in North America.
PS: I'll post some ATL pic as soon as my friends send them to me.