The perfect day

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PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN

8:15
Wake up to hugs and kisses.

8:30
Weigh 5lbs. lighter than yesterday

8:45
Breakfast in bed, squeezed
orange juice and croissants

9:15
Soothing hot bath with
fragrant lilac bath oil

10:00
Light workout at club with
handsome, funny personal trainer.

10:30
Facial , manicure, shampoo, and comb out.

12:00
Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.

12:45
Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs.

1:00
Shopping with friends.

3:00
Nap.

4:00
A dozen roses delivered by florist.
Card is from a secret admirer.

4:15
Light workout at club followed
by a gentle massage.

5:30
Pick outfit for dinner.
Primp before mirror.

7:30
Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.

10:00
Hot shower. Alone.

10:30
Make love.

11:00
Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11:15
Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.

A PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN

6:00
Alarm.

6:15
Blowjob.

6:30
Massive dump while
reading the sports section.

7:00
Breakfast. Filet Mignon,
eggs, toast and tea.

7:30
Limo arrives.

7:45
Bloody Mary en route to airport

8:15
Private jet to Augusta Georgia.

9:30
Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.

9:45
Play front nine at Augusta ,
finish 2 under par.

11:30 Blowjob

11:45
Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on
the half shell. 3 Heinekens.

12:15
Blowjob.

12:30
Play back nine at Augusta ,
finish 4 under par.

2:15
Limo back to airport.
Drink 2 Bombay martinis.

2:20
Blowjob

2:30
Private jet to Nassau , Bahamas .
Nap.

3:15
Late afternoon fishing
excursion with topless female crew.

4:15
Blowjob

4:30
Catch world record light
tackle marlin - 1249 lbs.

5:00
Jet back home. En route,
get massage from naked supermodel.

7:00
Watch Sportscenter.

7:30
Dinner Lobster appetizers,
1963 Dom Perignon,20oz. New York strip.

9:00
Relax after dinner with 1789
Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.

10:00
Have sex with two
18 year old nymphomaniacs.

11:00
Massage and Jacuzzi.

11:45 Go to bed.

11:46
One last blowjob

11:59
Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart.
Watch the dog leave the room.

12:00
Laugh yourself to sleep

12 comments:

Yvette Kelly said...

You missed out at 12:45: notice ex boyfriend's wife has gained 30 pounds and ex boyfriend behind her has lost all his hair and gained 60 pounds.Oh yay!!

cybeel said...

Wanna know my favorite time of the day? It's 11:15 fall asleep in his big, strong arms. mmmmmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Dutch donut girl said...

I'm all for 'light workout at club with
handsome, funny personal trainer'. But only if his funny.

And wow, that's a lot of blowjobs.

Sarah Sofia Ganborg said...

So I guess, I'm neither male, nor female!

King, I've got an award for you:

http://ahealthierwayofliving.blogspot.com/2009/06/piece-of-sky.html

it's at the end of the post!

Nice guys finish last...or something like that said...

So I am so not anywhere close to that perfect day...I got a little work to do!

ASWANI said...

LOL :)

Lilly said...

These are funny, thanks!

Kris said...

thanks for dropping by and most especially for following my blog.. anyway, great posts.. a real way to unbore peeps..

kris

lissa said...

funny but quite true

what a fun and wonderful blog you have here. I certainly enjoy the jokes and art of the day

thanks for your visits to my blogs, much appreciated

LLnL said...

LOL with tears in my eyes. I had my husband read it and we both keep cracking.Love it.

Thuy said...

nah, I'll make my own perfect day

BC L√ČTOURNEAU said...

laugh out loud
bc
www.clownnumber5.com

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