~Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
~Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
~Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
~If your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
~Garbage would take itself out.
~Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."